Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Don't Want To Hear Any Hippy Jokes!

Life has not been pleasant for me the last few days. In fact, horrible is the word that about sums it up. I wasn't going to blog about what happened, but what the heck. Everybody has a stupid moment now and then. Right?

Last Saturday, while working on a household project, I had an accident. (that'll teach me to work around the house!) I was installing the last of the protective metal "cactus" spine barriers to the front of the house, on top of the bodega. The last vulnerable spot of entry. I don't know why I bothered since there is NO CRIME ON ISLA MUJERES.* So I ended up bruising my left hip quite badly.

So badly in fact that I could not sit down, stand up, walk, lie down or get out of bed without assistance. Even then any attempts to move my left leg or hip were met with howls of pain. Folks, I have never felt such excruciating pain in my life. And I have had some pain, let me tell you.

I suffered through it Saturday and all day Sunday. Once in bed, I felt like a paraplegic. I could not move at all. Even the slightest movement caused me to yelp in pain. By Monday, with hardly any sleep and no lessening of the pain whatsoever, I figured something must be wrong. (I'm not usually such a slow learner except where going to the doctor is involved!)

So by Monday afternoon, B, the trooper that he is, had had enough. Time to go to the local clinic. I just can't tell you how much I was dreading that. My Spanish is not up to the task of describing my symptoms much further than "I have much pain". So I was a little concerned.

I needn't have worried. This was my first trip to the clinic or doctor in the five years I have been living here. The staff was beyond excellent. (except I wish they spoke a little more English, but that is my problem, not theirs) They met me at the door with a wheelchair and put up with my screams of pain as they pulled me out of the car and into the wheelchair. I guess I really didn't have to use my practiced speech about having pain!

They took my temperature and the attendant/nurse/whatever said in English, "too high, too high." That made me feel great. Then they took my blood pressure....twice! Same attendant says in English, "no good, no good!" That made me feel even better. So then they wheeled me down the hall to the doctor's office and parked me outside to wait. I thought I would be there forever, but 35 minutes later they wheeled me in to see la doctora. She was sympathetic (which I really needed about then!) and very thorough.

She ended up having somebody come in with a needle as big around as a baseball bat and that person gave me a pain injection in the butt. Three other people came with her to watch. I guess the word had spread that they were going to get to see a big white gringo ass or something. She also gave me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory ** and a prescription for the radiologist. Except that there was no radiologist on duty so I had to wait until this morning for the x-ray.

This morning I returned for the x-ray, feeling much better from the shot in the butt, thank you. I was ushered right in, no wait! Except I had to return in an hour for the "picture". No problem. I returned in an hour, the picture was ready and I was handed the raw x-ray with instructions to return at 5PM to see the bone trauma specialist. Not liking that news.

Of course, when we got home I took the x-ray out and had myself a look. *** (who wouldn't!) I am no doctor or radiologist, but even I can see a big crack running across the hip bone. I'm thinking that is not a good thing. Guess I'll find out later today! Update to follow...for sure!

Overall, the experience was as pleasant as can be, given the circumstances. Professional caring staff and prompt service. The cost was the best part!

Consult with doctor and pain injection.........180 pesos
Anti-inflammatory pills.................................. 65 pesos
X-ray................................................................150 pesos
Total so far.......................................................395 pesos, or less than $40 USD!

* I like to throw that phrase in whenever I can. It gives the monitors of my blog something to do!

** I looked the Rx on line last night. The medication I am taking is for cows and pigs! Who cares. It's working.

*** I won't be showing this x-ray to anybody. You can see my whole penis in it! Is that normal? I thought x-rays only showed bone.


Anonymous said...

Hang in there, trooper ...the price is right, and you never hear the pigs complain...

Can't wait for the update...

Seriously, (I hesitate to say it...) I feel your pain.

But, although for the original event, it sounds as if you're in good hands... and don't refrain from utilizing "Better Living Through Chemistry"...

Anonymous said...

OH NO - I knew something was wrong when your blog wasn't posted early today. Why are men so PIG-HEADED? Doctor's don't bite .. they help people (as you have found out). Be careful and don't work around the house. Save that for a professional. Can't wait for part 2 tomorrow hoping all is OK and surgery is not needed.
KW for Michigan

CancunCanuck said...

Oh dear, doesn't sound good Wayne! Well, the veterinary strength painkillers don't sound too bad, but a broken hip is nothing to sneeze at! I sure hope it was a hair on the xray, but that's probably wishful thinking. Good luck tonight.

And wow, I'm so glad there is no crime on Isla! And there's no corruption in Mexico huh? ;-)

Feel better, medicate, medicate, medicate, hehehe.

Anonymous said...

p.s. We all want to see your x-ray.

Jonna said...

***Why do you think they call it a 'boner'? Hee Hee

Oh Wayne, seriously, this sounds so horrible and painful. I'm so sorry it happened. I hope the solution is simple and non-invasive but if not at least you can go to Cancun and get top flight care. Really, I think I'd get over there and get a top notch bone doc to give a second opinion. You don't want this lingering.

Nancy said...

Wayne, that sucks! I hope they can heal you without too much intervention. Sounds like you have a good doctor and can get some excellent care.

Hang in there.

NinjaMom said...

Ouch! I hope everything turns out ok for you-broken hips are not a good thing.
Dense tissue shows up on X-rays....

islagringo said...

robert: i hear the pigs complain all the time, but that's because i live 2 doors down from the slaughterhouse! Not too worry. i have some good chemistry that i will be digging into tonight!
p.s. you wish!

kw: i should have said i don't want to hear any pig jokes! Men don't need doctors. we are invinceable. except when we are in pain, then we are big babies!

cc: yeah, that's it! a scratch on the film! yeah, i can live with that! also, see my response to robert about medicating!

jonna: like you would know! once in a life time doesn't count! i'm crossing my fingers that CC is correct and it is just a pubic hair or something showing up!

nancy: thanks. i think i did stumble upon a good doctor. i was very impressed with her.

ninjamom: thanks for the caring thoughts and for the free publicity! tee hee!

Steve Cotton said...

Wayne -- I am glad that my post follows Jonna's. That way I don't have to dig into the pun bag.

Bad news, old socks. Your doctor sounds as if she will be able to (literally) get you back on your feet. After all, one of these days you will be forced to show me the joys of la isla.

Theresa in Mèrida said...

Oh, Wayne, I hope it turns out to be operator error. What would they do? put a pin in your hip. Put staples to hold it together while it heals? None of that sounds like fun. I had a weird quarter inch bar show up in an x-ray, it turned out to be the metal part of the elastic band holding my braid. I can't imagine why a penis would show up,even cartilage doesn't show up in x-rays. I developed a lot of x-rays when I worked for a chiropractor and I have never seen anything like that!
I can also tell you that is pretty normal for an injury to hurt worse after the first day.
Take good care of yourself!

barry said...

Bummer Wayne ..and to answer your question,, Yes Xray will show 4 densities,, bone ,air ,fat and water ,, and if it really is Detailed , use it to brag a little ..that you Definately have lead in your Pencil.Keep us appraised ,please..hang in there, pard.......ps.. Great line, jonna

lisaloveloca said...

Wow- I think I'm impressed about the penis thing- who knew!? I was totally gonna say something boner but Jonna beat me to it (no pun intended -really! *blushes*) hahaha!

I can't even believe you managed to break your damned hip- AND I'm not allowed to make hip jokes - CRAP!!

I hope you are seriously over medicated on the pain meds!! OUCH!! You poor big baby man!!

Are you going to come here to see another doc? Do you need me to do any leg work for you here? (another bad pun- I can't even help it really!!) Really I'll came visit and bring supplies or whatever- MN to MN whatever you need lemme know!!

I'll even share my gummy bears...

Brenda said...

That is rotten. Take it easy and do as you are told. Hope it is not as major as it sounds like it could be. Take care.

Sandye in Kansas said...

Wayne, I'm soooo sorry! I hate pain and I sincerely hope the crack is just a scratch on the film. :(

Leave it to you to make such a horrible event sound funny (the "spectators" for your shot and the remark about your x-ray, especially). You really do have a remarkable sense of humor.

I hope the docs can get you all fixed up. In the meantime, keep medicating!

RiverGirl said...

Jesus Wayne! This sucks! If you have any doubt about your treatment DO get a 2nd opinion please. Wishing you all the best, hope it's a hair on the x-ray.


Anonymous said...

Dr Salas makes house calls and he is also quite reasonable. Board posters speak highly of him. Speaks English also. People also go to the Navy hospital. DO HAVE it looked at as 10 years from now you will wish you had dujy

islagringo said...

steve: by the time you get to isla, i'll probably have a basket on my wheelchair you can ride in. Better than a golf cart!

theresa: see Barry's comment. What can I say? It is clearly just hanging there for all to see.

Barry: maybe I just had to go pee or something so it was the water part? I think i do have lead in my pencil now though. They used no coverups at all when taking the x-ray.

lisa: it's not broken but you are just too sweet, as always! Even offering to share your precious gummy bears! You can make jokes in person when I see you. That way I can fight back!

brenda: i knew i could count on you for well wishes. you are always there for me. i'm lucky to have you as a friend.

sandye: just telling the truth here. If it's funny, all the better!

rivergirl: you were on my list of contacts if i needed help with another doctor. thankfully, i don't think i need one.

anonymous who is afraid to share your name: I am very familiar with Dr Salsa. I didn't go to him because a)there was no time to wait for his evening office hours and b) he would have had to send me for an x-ray anyway. He treated me when I got stung by a scorpion 14 times and fixed me right up!

Hollito said...

Bad news. :-|
I hope you are better soon! :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey, I left a comment yesterday, but it's not here!

Oh no! I'm so sorry you got hurt...the good news is that now everyone will have to wait on you hand and foot. Milk that shit, yo.

They must have had a panoramic X-ray machine to fit in your WHOLE penis! Tee hee...hey, you said no hippy jokes, didn't say anything about penis jokes!

Bwa ha ha ha

lisaloveloca said...

OMG! hahahahahaa! Heatherinparadise, thank you for making a penis joke!
I seriously haven't stopped laughing at the Islaguy's penis- errm wait a min that doesn't sound right- laughing with the- ummm no- laughing about the... anyway something about idea of Mr. MN's penis x-ray had me chuckling all evening...
and then I chuckled to think of how funny he would think it was that I giggled about his penis for a whole evening- wait that still didn't sound right- you know what I mean!

Penis x-ray- it's funny dang it!

Mexico "Way" said...

Wayne! I am so sorry you are feeling all that pain. I am sending virtual healing kisses and hugs your way!!!!

That's cool about the xray....care to share? lol. Curious minds and all that. Here's wishing you heal quickly.

Lots of positive energy shooting down south into your hip!