Monday, August 09, 2010

Where Have I Been?

The quick answer is nowhere. Right here.

There is something strange going on with me right now and I am loathe to even talk about it. Mostly because I don't understand it myself. What it is is that I have become a hermit, an isolationist if you will.

That last break-in hit me hard. Very hard. And it scared me. To think that somebody could tear out a window and enter my home and steal things while somebody was asleep inside still shocks me to the core. Even though the window in question has now been replaced and the opening has lockable grillwork over it, I still do not feel safe.

I only leave the house and grounds when I absolutely have to. To go the grocery store, pay bills downtown, chase down carpenters, that sort of thing. I certainly do not leave home for any form of entertainment anymore.

I think I would go mad if I didn't have my computer. I spend far too much time just playing games, roaming around the Net and downloading movies and TV programs to watch at a later time. I have recently (since I missed them by living here without the benefit of American TV) watched every season of Amazing Race, So You Think You Can Dance, Survivor, Deadwood, Karnivale, Six Feet Under, Project Runway, Entourage, The Tudors and, most recently, True Blood. And just to break things up, I've read three trashy novels. And knitted a lot.

I am not currently enjoying living in paradise very much. I don't go to the beach. It's too hot for that right now anyway. I don't feel very much like I am living in paradise anyway.

I fear that that 14th thief has stolen more from me than material goods. Right now, I don't feel like I have much positive to say about my life and certainly not living on this island.

I hope that my old self returns. And returns soon.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is terrible. One break-in is terrible much less mulitiple break-ins.

I understand how violated you must feel knowing that someone just enters and takes what they want. I hope that your feeling of security returns soon. I know friends who have had the same sort of feelings after a single break-in. I can imagine how amplified your experience must be.

My best to you!

lisa said...

It has to be very hard, you feel like you have been invaded! It is very understandable, I don't think (if I had the means that is) I could stay in the same place that I was robbed! But then again, that lets them win! Now what you have to do Wayne is get mad! Thinking about you. Thank you for your lovely comment on my blog.

Calypso said...

So sorry my friend. It is so different here in a non-tourist area - well non-foreign tourists. We seem to be much less prone to robbery than anywhere I have lived in the U.S. Never a problem here.

In any case, adjusting to the process - developing safety factors - which you seem to be doing - will eventually assuage your fears.

We look forward to your getting back on the Blogging rolls in any case.

D and B W said...

How you feel after having been so terribly invaded in your own home is certainly understandable and quite normal, I have been there myself. I have no wonderful words of wisdom for you but hope that your old self returns as well. Time, it takes time.

Anonymous said...

and all this time, I thought you were out looking for a box of Iquanna Helper:-))
carl/debbie

Jane said...

Have you been consuming too much Road Kill Hash, man?

(Seriously, do hope you feel better soon.)

Anonymous said...

Why not Move!!! What we do not have is time,not the places..
Best of luck to you.

jennifer rose said...

Have you considered selling your house and moving to another locale? That may be the answer now that you're over the beach.

Hunkering down in the compound like Ted Kaczinksi isn't going to solve anything. You could be just as easily mugged and rolled on the few occasions you're out and about. Or hit by a truck.

How long have you lived in Mexico? Have you considered that you may have hit the expat brick wall stage?

Ann said...

I hope that your old self returns, too. Would miss seeing you downtown when I visit! Hope things improve for you in time.

Anonymous said...

Wayne, force yourself to leave before you get into such a rut it's almost impossible to get out of.

Material things are just that... things, and for the most part are replaceable. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to matter if you are home "on guard" or not.

Enjoying life, however, cannot be taken from you unless you let it. Don't let that joy be taken away... LIVE it!

Linda
IC

Anonymous said...

oh wayne, i'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. it must be awful living in fear and wondering if someone else is going to break in, but i hope and pray that this fear will soon subside because you need to enjoy your life. i know it's easier said than done and you've certainly gone through a lot in the past year+, so you are entitled to feel this way, but hopefully, it won't last. we all need to make the best of every day.

when my husband and i were going to school at UF, some burglars broke into his apt one night and stole a bunch of things. all the guys that lived in the apt. were present at the time, in a deep slumber since not one of them heard the burglars. luckily it never happened again. God willing it will never happen to you again either.

i want you to know that i continue to pray for your brother. how is he doing? i don't even know his name so when i pray i say "wayne's brother."

take care and hang in there and know that people care about you. i will start praying for your peace of mind and that you will soon come out of your slump.

teresa in lake stevens

KfromMichigan said...

Being scared to leave your home is not a good way to live. Since you have the locks in place, do you really think they could still break in? Is there no form of a security alarm that can be installed? Is sure hope you get back to your old self real soon! You've been missed!

Jackie said...

I don’t know what to say other than I am sorry things are so down for you. I hope that you can get back to your old self soon.
The break ins would unnerve me too. It sounds like you have done as much as possible to prevent any further break ins.
Take care!

Islagringo said...

anonymous: thank you, but I doubt that I will ever feel secure here again. It has happened just too many time.

lisa: mmm, get mad. I would love to, but at whom? It does no good.

Calypso: I want to get back to blogging too. It's hard to find something of interest to write about when one stays home all the time. I am working on changing that though. Bit by bit.

D and BW: you are right. Just like grieving, it takes time. Maybe I am going through kind of a grieving process right now.

carl/debbie: I have plenty. They were on sale in Merida, where they originated.

Jane: I would have to venture out on the roads again to find any road kill. Of course, I would love to find some Burglar Helper and then the culprit.

anonymous: why not move, indeed. I wish it were that simple.

jennifer rose: you know very well what the economy is here and what the housing market looks like right now. I have been living on this island 7 years in September, but visiting here every year since 1990. Maybe I am just overdosed on the island life.

Ann: thank you.

Linda: good advice. Thanks for chiming in.

teresa: thank you so very much. Your comment has touched me deeply. My brother's name is Jeff. He is doing better with the chemo, but still has a long way to go.

KfromMichigan: where there is a will there is a way, despite all of my precautions. I thought I had enough safeguards in place before. I do have alarms on all of my doors and windows. The day they broke the window though, they were not activated because Bob was home and the windows were open. I hate living behind all of these locked gates.

jackie: let's hope so. I am still awaiting a delivery of razor wire to further re-enforce some areas. Especially the roof between me and my neighbor to the north.

TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE COMMENTED SO FAR: Thank you so much. So very much for the words of encouragement. It is good to know that I have a family of friends out there in cyberspace who care. God Bless each of you.

Islagringo said...

anonymous: thank you, but I doubt that I will ever feel secure here again. It has happened just too many time.

lisa: mmm, get mad. I would love to, but at whom? It does no good.

Calypso: I want to get back to blogging too. It's hard to find something of interest to write about when one stays home all the time. I am working on changing that though. Bit by bit.

D and BW: you are right. Just like grieving, it takes time. Maybe I am going through kind of a grieving process right now.

carl/debbie: I have plenty. They were on sale in Merida, where they originated.

Jane: I would have to venture out on the roads again to find any road kill. Of course, I would love to find some Burglar Helper and then the culprit.

anonymous: why not move, indeed. I wish it were that simple.

jennifer rose: you know very well what the economy is here and what the housing market looks like right now. I have been living on this island 7 years in September, but visiting here every year since 1990. Maybe I am just overdosed on the island life.

Ann: thank you.

Linda: good advice. Thanks for chiming in.

teresa: thank you so very much. Your comment has touched me deeply. My brother's name is Jeff. He is doing better with the chemo, but still has a long way to go.

KfromMichigan: where there is a will there is a way, despite all of my precautions. I thought I had enough safeguards in place before. I do have alarms on all of my doors and windows. The day they broke the window though, they were not activated because Bob was home and the windows were open. I hate living behind all of these locked gates.

jackie: let's hope so. I am still awaiting a delivery of razor wire to further re-enforce some areas. Especially the roof between me and my neighbor to the north.

TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE COMMENTED SO FAR: Thank you so much. So very much for the words of encouragement. It is good to know that I have a family of friends out there in cyberspace who care. God Bless each of you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Wayne: Please realize not everyone is out there to hurt you. If you have been broken into 14 times than you need to move or protect yourself and you will start to feel better. I stayed at a place and was broken into twice and took steps to change my environment. I live in LA and I always felt better having a big protective dog.. Not only do you have someone to love and take care of you, but it will help you socialize with other people if you train the right kind of dog.--Just an idea... give it some thought... good luck to you...t.

drgeo said...

Hi Wayne,

In 1973 my house was robbed while I was at work in Nashville. I had started to take my grandfather's heirloom pocket watch with me that day, but decided it was too precious to risk taking to work, so I set it down next to my stereo. Since then I've lived in Indiana,South Carolina, New York, and Texas. Last week I had another flashback of feeling violated about thieves taking my grandfather's pocket watch. I never miss my stereo--it was insured and I replaced it. Nothing can replace the only object representing my grandfather. The point of my story is that moving to a new locale did not help me let go of the feeling of violation (plus frustration to redress the wrong). I wonder how to let go of that feeling? The watch meant nothing to the thief, and he likely doesn't recall it now. Why should I allow my feelings to still be affected almost 40 years later? I wish I knew how to let that go!

MD in Texas said...

I can't add to what others have said, but do encourage you to get out and about. I will pray that you find peace and a resolution!

Theresa in Mèrida said...

I have been worried about you. I was afraid that your brother had taken a turn for the worse (but I see in the comments he is doing better).
I have been burglarized four times (that I can remember off hand), lost almost everything twice, once in a fire and once due to a flood. It is very hard. I cannot imagine 14 times.
You will get better, but I can't promise that it will be easy. The key is doing everything you can, which you already have and then trying to find things to look forward to. Take extra time to do things that give you pleasure. Adopt "Illegitimi non carborundum" as your new motto! They can steal stuff but don't let them steal your ability to enjoy life!
regards,
Theresa

Anonymous said...

i am glad to hear that jeff is doing better. chemo is very hard on some people. i hope he will be through with his treatments soon. you are both in my prayers now-thanks for letting me know his name.

God bless,
teresa

BlueSky said...

I can’t imagine how hard it must be, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Meanwhile, why not get a good watch dog? They say nothing protects a home better than a dog. It has been statisticly proven that most thieves will skip over a home with a dog. Plus, a dog would get your mind off of things too....

Islagringo said...

anonymous: i have taken steps and changed my environment. So far, so good.

drgeo: interesting story and a very good question. I replaced the stolen computers the day after I found out that they had been stolen. you and everybody else is right. Material things can be replaced. But how do you get over the feeling of being violated? It just hangs on and on, invading your thoughts as soon as you let your guard down.

md: thank you. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

teresainmerida: each time it has happened, I restrengthed the weak spots and moved on. I really thought I was safe this time but was proven wrong again. I had to look your motto up and I am glad I did. I love it!

teresainlakestevens: thank you and you are welcome.

bluesky: even as we speak, I am working on MAYBE getting a dog. But a really tiny one. They bark a lot though. I am curious about your name. Are you from Minnesota? Does it have anything to do with the legal term "blue sky clause"?

Isla Zina said...

I want to see you at Adelita's. I've been to Fayne's twice now with your gag souvenir from Ohio and will be there again Thursday. When I drive by, I don't see your vehicle...
I think being in a neighborhood with a virtual block watch has helped me a lot. And the dog, yes, get a dog and give it a mirror to practice it's bark. When asked "Muerde?" Simply say "Cuando yo dice." I am sad.

Brenda said...

Sorry to hear that you are feeling down and out. As I am sure you know sitting at home and brooding about it will not help you at all to get out of the doldrums. I think you either need a new interest outside the house or just need to get out, which at this point is easier said than done. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to go out and do something to take your mind off of things.
Go to your "office" at the coffee shop and visit with everyone you see. Someone will say or do something to brighten your day. If nothing else you might get some really good pictures of the tourists doing something asinine lol.
Take care, thinking of you.

BlueSky said...

I'm glad you’re thinking about getting a dog. She/he will get your mind off things and protect you at the same time :) As for my name, I just liked the sound of it (love being outdoors). I’m not from Minnesota but my dad is. He grew up on a farm in Delft. I love the vast open plains, farmland, and the many lakes and of course Minneapolis is a beautiful city with lots of cool architecture.

Islagringo said...

Zina: not sure when I may get down that way again. Maybe Thursday. My red car is almost permanently in the carport. My blue Tracker is parked next door.

Brenda: as a matter of fact, I went to the "office" today for about an hour. Didn't see a single person I know and hardly anybody passed by. It's that dead zone time of year here. But rest assured, if there is a stupid tourist to be seen, I will get 'em!!

BlueSky: thanks for the answer. My favorite Vet in Mn calls his clinic Blue Sky, but for different reasons. It is a tongue in cheek joke.

CHAVO: I chose not to publish your comment. Please send me an email at the address listed on this site. Thanks.

Kathy said...

Aw, Wayne. I will go against the grain and say to stay at home for a while. You need to feel safe again and if hermit is working then go with it. We'll stage an intervention if you start to look like Mr.Smithers. :)

take care and heal.

Anonymous said...

Forget the dog! Get yourself a goose! They are loud and very mean! We bought a couple when they were goslings and raised them up. They bonded with my husband and would not let anything near him, including our dogs! They would peck at the dogs whenever they tried to get near. Too funny. Anyway they are super loud. The Vietnamese used them during the war to alert them from the enemy (us). They don't cost much to feed and water. You can buy a feeder and watering system which can be filled to last for days or weeks.
I do know how you feel. I was rufied in PV Mexico during Santo Semana. When I came too, I had lost my camera, cell phone and purse. I was covered head to toe with sand and did not know want happened. I was afraid to leave the condo for weeks after that.I don't even know how I managed to keep my small dog who was with me at the time.

I am back home now and still afraid to go back. I will but I have to give myself some time to heal.

Jonna said...

Everything has been said that I could say, except that I too was worried about you. I know it is not a good time to get out, keep it in mind though. We'd love to have you guys over here.

Hugs,

Croft said...

Wow, an invitation to Jonna and Mimi's! That will snap you out of any depression! Nothing like a road trip to visit friends.

Have you thought about a video surveillance system? It would not stop anyone but you could see who is hanging around and maybe get a shot of anyone trying to get in. eBay has systems for about $300.

It just might be the same guys breaking in every time.

Good luck mi amigo and as you have been told, get out and about. Life is too short to sit around.