Monday, July 13, 2009

Soul Searching

Last week I got the kind of news from a friend that leaves you with your mouth gaping open in astonishment. The kind that fills you with disbelief and an immediate horrible grief. The kind that has you sitting on the edge of your bed, sobbing into a towel. The kind that makes your soul feel hollow. I'm sharing no details. Suffice it to say that I have not been coping well with life this past week.

I even considered not returning to this blog. How could I post happy pictures and thoughts when I had none? Nothing seemed important anymore. Not this blog. Not my life on the island. Not my friends. Not my partner. Nothing. I abandoned the real world around me as much as I could and retreated into myself.

I'm still suffering from shell shock but the tremors are subsiding. Life is returning to normal. Good friends are helping. And not just flesh and blood friends. Blog friends. I have been overwhelmed by the thoughts of concern and care that have been sent my way. By strangers really. But not really.

This Blogger community is a world all its' own. I've always known that I have some good friends out there in Cyberspace. This past week drove that point home to me again. Thank you all.

So I have decided not to abandon you as you have not abandoned me. I will continue this blog. It may take awhile to get back to my full spirit. But this thing gives me so much joy I simply can not walk away from it. I need joy in my life again.

Tomorrow we return to normal. Or my new normalcy. I think I have changed this past week.

33 comments:

Arizona Kelly said...

I love you. Wish I were home (so to speak) so I could give you a hug. Lots of them. And B too.
But I'm not so I send you this virtual gathering.... I wish we were sitting under my palapa or your back patio drinking coffee with shots of kahlua in it, and eating toasted croissants with chocolate spread.

Jackie said...

Welcome back! I am sorry to hear about your news.I could write all kinds of things about how you need to move on, etc. but only you know what you need to do to cope with this news. Take care and we are here for you.

Rosas Clan in Tulum said...

I hope that no matter what has or will ever happen that you can always get through to the other side of it. I know that you can and you will - even in the many moments that you will not want to. What every it that is in your life, I am sending you thoughts of a peaceful mind and a tranquil heart.

Anonymous said...

think about project warm hands !! Just think of the smiles and hugs those kids are going to be passing out !!! and warm feelings. Its just around the corner. time to start knitting
carl/debbie--hugs

Anonymous said...

Nice to have you back Wayne.
We all need you to make our lives complete! "Time heals all wounds"
-Doug

Bev said...

I'm sorry for whatever happended to you recently. You are so interesting to follow with ups and downs - real life stuff. I wish you the very best and hope you are happy again soon. Bev

White Noise said...

I will be down in Isla August 15-22, anything I can do to help/bring/take you out for a drink and Id be happy to do it. Let me know, I am praying for you.

Jamqueen said...

So sorry that you received devastating news. You have many friends in the real & cyber world for you to lean on--me included. I know your life will never be the same, but it will go on & be good again.
My thoughts are with you, Wayne.

Isla Deb said...

Glad you're back, Wayne. I'm so sorry to hear about your bad news. My prayers for strength and solace are with you.

KfromMichigan said...

Wayne, A day not reading your blog is depressing. I love you, so please don't stop writing. It does help to talk about your troubles, may be not in your blog. You have a friend in me and I know we will meet in Oct. when I give you my hats. Time heals all my friend! Take care .. Kathy

Life's a Beach! said...

Wayne, it is amazing how Cyberspace friends can impact our lives in such a positive way. I have an entire support group of friends, mostly from Isla message boards and blogs, whom I've never met. I'm sure we will some day, probably on Isla, but until then, they're still one of my rocks. Take care. You bring joy into my life every weekday morning with your stories from the island.

Jonna said...

Oh No. I seem to have missed what was happening. I thought I hadn't seen a post from you recently but then I go through times like that too - like now.

I'm so sorry Wayne, hugs from over here and come over any time you want or feel like a break.

Big Hug.

Islagringo said...

Everybody: Overwhelmed. Simply overwhelmed by the outpouring of care, concern and Cyber love. Thank you all for proving that what I said about Cyber friends is true. I didn't break down into a teary mess even once yesterday. Reading your comments came very close to making me break that new record. Thank you.

Croft said...

Life has this habit of throwing curves at us, Wayne. It is important to remember that it does not matter how hard we get hit, what matters more is how quickly we get up. You have taken the punch and are back on your feet.

As we read of each other's comings and goings and daily routines we do develop a bond. The few of you who I have actually met have all turned out just as I expected so we really must express more than just superficial feelings in our writing.

My best wishes go with you!

stalkermom said...

I enjoy reading your blog and I am sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation. Blog whenever you feel like it, I still read!

IslaZina said...

Cyberfriends are sometimes in your neighborhood. Don't hesitate to ask for anything you may need, from an ear to a cooked meal. I'm better now so it's no stress! But really, take care and let whatever needs to be worked through be accessible to your mind and emotions as well.

Billie said...

Wayne, Count me as one of your concerned cyber friends. I hope the hurt heals and I'm glad you are coming back.

1st Mate said...

Wayne - there are so many of us who would miss you if your blog were not part of our lives. To withdraw when you're in pain is a natural and healing way to be (I do that when I'm in physical pain, why not when my heart is hurting?) We will be glad to see your happy pictures and read your happy thoughts again when you are ready, but we're just glad you're still with us.

Sue said...

Wayne, just catching up here and so sorry to hear of your personal grief. What's important is that even though right now you feel like you will never have happy thoughts again, you will - life is like that and in time you will start living again. Sometimes being here on this island makes it harder to deal with emotional disappointments because it's harder to get away from 'reminders'. You did the best thing for you by retreating into yourself and finding a way to climb back out. We are all here for you, and you do know where I live if you need a friendly ear.

Take care of yourself and be true to yourself. Life's disappointments make us stronger in the end. I'm so sorry for your pain - let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

S.Fdez said...

I am sorry to hear that you have such sorrow in your life right now. Don´t shut those that love you out...let their love help heal your soul. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time.

Stacy
Isla Mujeres

Chavo said...

Bad things happen for a reason. No matter how bad they rip your guts out, just remember they are balanced by good moments as well. Sometimes it is just a brief turn of the lips, a wisp of a happy memory or sometimes it is pure unadulterated bliss that can keep you giddy for weeks.

You write well, from the heart, and it is always a joy to see what ever you decide to put out there to see.

Hope to see you around.

CancunCanuck said...

Hey hon, you know we love you and are here for you (real life and online). I was happy to see you last week and glad you got to meet my folks, though I was very sad to hear your news. Be strong, be well, write about it in a private journal if you must (or here if you feel comfortable). I'm always on email if you need to get it out too!

Big hugs amigo.

lisa said...

Blogging has really made me a lot better person and people have been sooooo nice and considerate. I am so glad that I can put my thoughts (to a degree) on my blog and know that people are always concerned and willing to give a helping pep talk to get me through things and let me see things from someone elses perspective and that has helped me alot. Glad to know that you aren't giving up on us because we don't want to see you go.

Robert said...

wayne, the darkest night is just before the dawn. keep your chin up no matter how dark the night might be. meet the challenges with your head up and your wit sharp. god bless you. revbob

Anonymous said...

I am glad to hear that you will continue to blog. I don't know you, but I read your blog often and I really enjoy your writing.

Nancy said...

You know I have your back; anything you need or want, just say the word. But I think you are strong, and you might have some words to write and that the writing will help you get through it or help one of us get through something one day.

XOXOXO

American Mommy in Mexico said...

Raw and real. You posted from the heart and with honesty.

Thinking about you! Day at a time amigo.

Anonymous said...

I'm just another person that you don't know who really looks forward to his Gringo in Paradise fix . . . thanks!

lagovistajenn said...

Wayne,
So glad to see you are back. My thoughts and prayers go out to you for whatever you may be going through. Time heals all wounds. Keep the blogs coming and know that you have a whole cyber-community out here cheering you on.
Love,
Jenn

Anonymous said...

Wayne...I'm another person you don't know, but considers you a good friend. Someday, I hope to actually live in my house down the street from you. I am so sorry you got such news. Its horrible...I wish I could give you a big hug.
I would miss you if you left...very much.
sending love from Nashville
Janie

THE BAYFIELD BUNCH said...

I too am glad you willl continue to blog,.Have never met you, but feel like I know you.. Keep hanging in there and I hope you are able to experience something each day that gives you a smile and some hope.

All the best,
Kelly ( Canada )

Anonymous said...

Wayne, I'm another who hasn't met you, but reads your blog daily, usually. I really enjoy your take on things on Isla, and in general.

I'm sorry about the bad news; We must all continue to live our lives, though. I'm glad you decided to keep on blogging.

Linda

Michele in Playa said...

I'm just catching up with all my blogger friends and their lives and I've come upon this entry. I'm so sorry for your sadness and am sending lots of positive energy and cyber hugs your way!

(((hug)))